Friday, September 4, 2009

Finding my place...

I am kind of sad tonight...and have been lately. I am extremely happy with my life as far as my family goes, I simply couldn't ask for a better husband and children. They are my world and what I think about all day everyday, I live for them! However, I feel so lost in my life right now as far as my purpose and place to be. I know I am only 24 years old and some people don't find their purpose until their later years...but I am too impatient for that! I know I want to help people...I just don't know how I am suppose to go about it?
I am now a year and a half out of college with a Bachelor's Degree in Sociology...which means...nothing to me! Honestly...the only reason I majored in Sociology was because I already had a few classes in it and I just wanted to be done with school and have a degree....big mistake! Now i am nearly $15,000 in debt from student loans and NOTHING gained from it!! Except the lessons I learned along the way of course!!
I look at my husband and the way he absolutely loves his job and I feel so completely torn. On one hand I am so happy for him and so proud of what he does. I am so proud to see him come home from work and gush about how much he loves it...he is so good at his job....I can honestly say I love hearing about his day at work each and everyday!! ..and on the other hand...I am TOTALLY envious/jealous/upset ..that I don't have that in life...I dont LOVE my job... I absolutely LOVE each and every child I care for don't get me wrong...I would do anything and everything for any single one of them...but right now that's all it is...a job. It pays the bills...well barely.....I just know it's not what I was meant to do in I making sense? as far back as I can remember I have always wanted to be a just never really happened for many reasons. First, I just didn't think I could do it..I didn't think I was smart enough or disciplined enough for the schooling. Then I wanted to do it but the schooling conflicted with my volleyball schedule in junior college so that was a no-go! Then by the time I was at McKendree I already had the Sociology classes so just kept with that. Well now that I spent 5 years of my life and $15,000 of imaginary money on a degree that is worthless to me, I want to go BACK to school and add probably at least another $10,000 onto that...??? Do I want to take that risk? I DONT KNOW!!!! How am I suppose to know that??? I have prayed and prayed and prayed on this and I know that God has a purpose and a plan for me and I have to trust in Him....but I guess I just need a little patience.
I just feel like my time is running out....I am not getting any younger ...WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DOOOOO?????!!!!!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

My crazy beautiful life :)

hmm...where do I begin?
I am absolutely in love with our growing family!
Kason is in the middle of potty trainin....he is doing great (if he's naked ;) He will pee in the diaper if it's on him....and he has yet to poo on the potty...but we are working on that...I hear boys are harder than girls?
Parker is SUCH an amazingly great baby! The only time he really fusses is when he is hungry of course...and lately he has been fighting his sleep during the day...but he sleeps all night in his own bed so I won't complain too much about that!
Nathan is doing well. Since most of you reading my blog are WTE girls you don't know much about us. He was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) in February. He just recently started a non-profit organization (SIMSS) here in Southern Illinois to help people out who also have this disease. We are working on a golf scramble for October which will benefit the organization and the National MS society as well. He is very busy with this right now!
I am doing .....alllright... I've been very frustrated lately with my employment situation. I have my BA degree and am still working for our family daycare. I love the job and the kids don't get me wrong...I just wasn't planning to do this after I graduated...and I still am. However, I have decided to go back to school for nursing..something I've always wanted to do, just never thought I could do it. Well I am now!!! =) I can't start school until next August so that's almost a whole year away :(.....anyway...I am also frustrated with my post-pregnancy weight issue....I gained almost 60 pounds and have lost all but 7 or 8 so I guess I should be happy but I'm not...I still want to lose an additional 10 or 15 pounds after the preggo weight it's just not as easy as it used to be ;) I"m going to Florida with my BFF in October so I really need to get crackin!!!
So that's my first blog ...nothing too exciting...maybe I will have some excitement in my life sometime soon to blog about! :)