Friday, September 4, 2009

Finding my place...

I am kind of sad tonight...and have been lately. I am extremely happy with my life as far as my family goes, I simply couldn't ask for a better husband and children. They are my world and what I think about all day everyday, I live for them! However, I feel so lost in my life right now as far as my purpose and place to be. I know I am only 24 years old and some people don't find their purpose until their later years...but I am too impatient for that! I know I want to help people...I just don't know how I am suppose to go about it?
I am now a year and a half out of college with a Bachelor's Degree in Sociology...which means...nothing to me! Honestly...the only reason I majored in Sociology was because I already had a few classes in it and I just wanted to be done with school and have a degree....big mistake! Now i am nearly $15,000 in debt from student loans and NOTHING gained from it!! Except the lessons I learned along the way of course!!
I look at my husband and the way he absolutely loves his job and I feel so completely torn. On one hand I am so happy for him and so proud of what he does. I am so proud to see him come home from work and gush about how much he loves it...he is so good at his job....I can honestly say I love hearing about his day at work each and everyday!! ..and on the other hand...I am TOTALLY envious/jealous/upset ..that I don't have that in life...I dont LOVE my job... I absolutely LOVE each and every child I care for don't get me wrong...I would do anything and everything for any single one of them...but right now that's all it is...a job. It pays the bills...well barely.....I just know it's not what I was meant to do in I making sense? as far back as I can remember I have always wanted to be a just never really happened for many reasons. First, I just didn't think I could do it..I didn't think I was smart enough or disciplined enough for the schooling. Then I wanted to do it but the schooling conflicted with my volleyball schedule in junior college so that was a no-go! Then by the time I was at McKendree I already had the Sociology classes so just kept with that. Well now that I spent 5 years of my life and $15,000 of imaginary money on a degree that is worthless to me, I want to go BACK to school and add probably at least another $10,000 onto that...??? Do I want to take that risk? I DONT KNOW!!!! How am I suppose to know that??? I have prayed and prayed and prayed on this and I know that God has a purpose and a plan for me and I have to trust in Him....but I guess I just need a little patience.
I just feel like my time is running out....I am not getting any younger ...WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DOOOOO?????!!!!!